Breaking the Mold: Personality Might Not Be as Fixed as We Think

Seventeen years ago. Personality psychology exams. Professor Laux at Bamberg University waiting for my answer. The clock is ticking. Will I dare to say what needs to be said, challenging a vast body of psychological research?
“Well, I know the Big Five are the most valuable and valid personality traits ever produced by psychological research. They can be reliably measured — meaning that even when tested repeatedly over a long period, these traits remain consistent.
HOWEVA, I protest against the belief that we are stuck with fixed personalities. That we are doomed to carry the burdens of traits we were born with. That we cannot change who we are.
There must be some fluidity in these traits. Even if we can’t completely shift — say, from a full introvert to a full-blown extrovert — surely some flexibility exists. Otherwise, how could we adapt to our environments? Isn’t it essential for human beings to not only correct their actions and behaviors but, through repeated new behaviors, build a different self? I refuse to believe otherwise.”
And that was the moment my theory of “trait ranges” was born: while we may be born with certain traits, we are not locked into them.
Or, as Alfred Adler so aptly put it: “It doesn’t matter what one is born with, but how one makes use of the equipment they have.” (Thanks to U. for reminding me of this gem!)
We’re not rigid brooms, incapable of bending — in that sense, we’re more like a vacuum hose.
Though, admittedly, we might need a better metaphor for this… Suggestions welcome.
The Big Five: A Foundation for Understanding Personality
Let’s start with the Big Five. These core personality traits — extraversion, openness, neuroticism, conscientiousness, and agreeableness — offer a well-researched, scientifically validated framework for understanding personality.
If you ever take just one psychological test in your life, the Big Five test is a great choice. It’s quick — 15 to 20 minutes — and provides scores for each of the five traits, along with insights on how you compare to the general population.
What makes this test fascinating is how it sheds light on why we behave the way we do. For instance: why you’re drawn to bungee jumping while your friend thinks it’s insane. Or why your partner leaves a mess in the kitchen without batting an eye, while it drives you up the wall. The former highlights differences in openness, the latter in conscientiousness.
Once you understand your traits, you might find yourself categorizing the world through this lens: “Oh, I did that because I’m high on neuroticism,” or “She reacted that way because she’s an extrovert.”
While this framework helps us make sense of the world, it comes with a significant downside: the risk of getting stuck in these definitions. Instead of using traits as a starting point for growth, we risk letting them define and limit us.
The Danger of Self-Imposed Limits
The real problem arises when we use these labels to justify avoidance in the future:
“I’m low on extraversion, so I won’t go to my Eva’s party.”
“I’m high on neuroticism, so I’ll always watch over my child’s every move.”
“I’m not open to new experiences, so I’ll never travel to another country.”
“I’m high on agreeableness, so I must always say yes to others.”
“I’m low on conscientiousness, so I’ll never keep my house tidy.”
Personality justifications are a pernicious trap: Teleologically, they serve as excuses to avoid change, framing rigid categories as functional traits. Causally, they lock us into a tight corset of self-definition, erasing opportunities for growth that are well within our reach. This is self-limitation through self-definition at its finest.
Exhibit A: The Ultimatum
This limiting mindset is why I reject statements like, “I’m this kind of person.” I heard this exact phrase on the Netflix show The Ultimatum: “I’m the kind of person who always looks out for others.”
That sounds noble, but it’s also a self-imposed cage. If you’re “that kind of person,” then you always have to look out for others, even when you desperately need time and space for yourself.
By defining yourself this way, you not only confine your behavior but also cement how others perceive you. “Oh, she’s the caring friend,” they’ll think, and suddenly, you feel obligated to live up to that image — even if it means answering a late-night call when you’re utterly exhausted.
Exhibit B: The Cheapest Potato Contest
As I’m writing this, a conversation behind me in the café perfectly illustrates the trap of self-definition:
“I’m not the kind of woman who buys expensive stuff. I always buy the cheapest,” says an approximately 80-year-old, gray-haired lady sitting two meters behind me, speaking to her younger companion — a man in his 50s with a hairstyle that could have been inspired by the eccentric professor in Back to the Future.
“Me too,” the professor chimes in.
The older woman continues, “Only the cheapest skincare, and my doctor says I have baby-soft skin! Can you believe it? Baby-soft! Meanwhile, other women ruin their skin with sunbeds and sugar.”
For the next two minutes, the conversation veers into a detailed comparison of potato prices — 400g versus 1.5kg — and I fight to tune it out and refocus on my writing.
Scientific Fact Check: Can You Really Become Batman?
Let’s dive into the science. While personality was once thought to be fixed, research now tells a different story.
According to New Scientist (2022), “Traditionally, psychologists believed personality to be more or less fixed over your lifetime. Not anymore. Recent studies show personality evolves throughout life, and it’s even possible to transform it on purpose.”
Even back in 2013, Boyce, Wood, and Powdthavee published findings in Springer: “Personality changes at least as much as economic factors and relates much more strongly to changes in life satisfaction.” Their conclusion? Personality can change, and this change is both significant and meaningful.
Alter Your Personality Like You Alter Your Abs
Then there’s The Guardian (2021), which offers this tantalizing insight: “Ask yourself what your ideal personality would be and, with self-awareness and repetitive practice, traits will follow.”
In the Guardian article, Benjamin Hardy, author of Personality Isn’t Permanent (2020), argues that personality is not fixed. While some shifts happen naturally, others can be intentional. Hardy describes personality as “your consistent attitudes and behaviours, your way of showing up in situations“ — or as the Guardian put it: “a collection of learnable skills, like riding a bike.”
Hardy points out that people often over-define their current selves: “If you say ‘I’m an introvert”, that’s a label. And because most people’s identity is a fixed mindset, their imagination and willingness to change is pretty stunted”.
Imagine if we approached personality the same way we approach fitness — continues the Guardian. Could we work on becoming kinder or funnier with the same determination we bring to toning our abs?
Think You Can Be Batman. You Will Be Batman.
As a psychology student, I believed people could reshape their reality. As a coach, I’m even more convinced: we can step beyond our comfort zones — even the comfort zones of our own traits. Now, with science backing it up, there are no more excuses.
How will you bend your reality today?
//Now, imagine a Keanu Reeves figure looking you in the eyes, riding a broomstick in the Matrix, waiting for your answer.
(And yes, I’m still searching for a better metaphor than the vacuum hose…)
Want to dive deeper into this? Benjamin Hardy: Personality isn’t permanent. https://amzn.to/3ZT3yt1 (English version) https://amzn.to/4iCNkLT (German version) https://amzn.to/4gT7RdN (Chinese version)

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